I grew up with loss. Quite literally, loss was something that was present in my life from an early age. We lost my father when I was almost five. He was larger than life in my extended and family of origin, and the loss was felt deeply by many. Growing up with the missing piece taught me very early that there could also be a pattern of what was found through loss.
As I grew, my consciousness expanded to understand that the darkness we go through invites in some way – light. At least, if, we are able to allow it. There is a powerful space created in finding abundance in letting go: gratitude in subtraction rather than always focusing on addition.
Relationships were either very chaotic and toxic; continuously involving estrangement, and disconnection, or unconditional to the extreme where co-dependency would have be be the defining theme – if I believed in such a theme. These relationships perpetuated the strength of that ‘I am not enough’ distortion, imprinted on me from the early years where I was the object of abuse, and where loss became a theme in my life that ‘those I love, leave’.
This theme was confusing – because at the same time I was able to recognize that the subtractions in my life often led to an abundance of the very thing I craved – love and connection.
It is something most of us are seeking, hoping for, and asking for. Our world praises addition rather than subtraction. We are taught to collect experiences, goals, habits, education, and even healing tools to become ‘better’, ‘more’, and succeed. As though to be whole – we need more to hold.
Abundance in Letting Go: Gratitude in Subtraction for what you are releasing to create space, rather than in addition of what you want.
I am always suggesting gratitude to my clients, and loved ones. It is where we find our own abundance, to be grateful for what we have. But sometimes what we are grateful for is also what has been subtracted.
This is the very month of gratitude. At least it is in Canada. We have Thanksgiving this weekend, and it is a time where we literally hold thanks for what we have over turkey and connections. We come together with those we love – and sometimes don’t like – to focus on where we are, and who we are in gathering. Some – struggle with this and avoid it, or just do not have the family and group to connect with. Which often can make it hard to find peace in what is.
We recently had a beautiful, very energetic, very large full harvest moon. The energy felt from this moon was nothing short of amazing. I am sure many people felt the urge – or followed through with emotionally based – life altering – decisions. Conflicts were activated, regrets were formed, and unfortunately there were many who listened to the chaos of their nervous system rather than just riding the waves to the other side.
So many are now struggling with the state of lack, of anxiety, grief, and chaos in their nervous systems.
Sometimes what we truly need to give thanks for is not what we have gained, but what we have released. What has ended either by our hand or another’s – and we now need to release with love, peace, and gratitude.
I recently listened to a podcast put on by my new spiritual business coach – on subtraction. Which is something I have always valued as a lesson – but not something I previously found as a proof of abundance, or a path of reset. Although – that is exactly what it is when we find gratitude in loss.
The early loss of my father led me to a connection with younger cousins who became brothers to me. The loss of my mother, brother, and many others condensed into a short time span led me to find light after darkness that led me to completely alter my entire life – and learn the power in manifestation.
This fall I have begun this journey to take action, and to align with where I need to be as opposed to struggling with where I am. Things have been happening at a speed I have not experienced before. Calls, focus, structure, and realizations are coming at me at a speed my previous connections did not provide. Where previously pain would have led me down a path of grief and disorder, I have instead been able to experience emotions, and release at a much faster understanding.
Now, admittedly, the whispers of my intuition have always been felt, but now they seem just a little louder. The pull to ‘act’ rather than fear is stronger. I have become open to much more of my own energy, and emotions seem to ride through me at a faster pace than ever before – not in the chaotic, overwhelming presence – simply in a glimmer of nervous system activation- an ever present reset.
I am able to intuitively see what before I may have doubted. The act of an untruth, the need of a client, the emotional experience of another. And all of which I can see with a lense of love rather than resentment, shame or lack.
In this, I have begun to understand things on a new level of allowing, and my energy field has felt completely ‘ready’ for the next best thing. Even if my mind screams shock and horror at something occurring, it is my nervous system, and this inner knowing located somewhere in my brain that simply nods and says – you already knew.
When our energy field is full of noise – commitments that don’t feel aligned, mental clutter, emotional residue – gratitude is much harder to access. It becomes ‘stuck’. We cycle through feelings that do not feel aligned. We disconnect with substance, screentime, or shallow and superficial coping to avoid the connection to the shadows, the lack, and the pain. We fill up our space, to avoid the stillness that it may provide. We disconnect from ourselves, from others, and we tell ourselves that is what we need.
But that is a way of distraction, and disconnection, a way of quickly passing time because we are not able to face what truths lie in our nervous system. We are not yet ready to fully heal. True gratitude is the energetic practice of receiving, not performing. It involves self-acceptance and clearing often from a place that can move us through darkness and pain we are not yet ready to explore. Subtraction can be that pain.
Accountability for our own actions, pasts, and thoughts may be the pain that is too heavy to open up and release, so instead we choose an easier path – that keeps us where we are.
This is unfortunate, but for some this is their path – and with the Law of Cause and Effect this is where their choice may create an unaligned future until they are better able to process, heal, and clear. All is perfect for you, however. Which means – it is okay if you are not ready. As long as you are not ready – and are still able to feel the presence of love.
If you are ready to shift, to transform, and to heal there are some questions you may want to focus on – to discover what subtraction can bring you.
What is ready to fall away for you, what feels heavy but familiar? What are you grateful to no longer carry? Where in your life would space allow you to launch forward where you need to go?
These answers may be practical – an overfilled calendar, an unhealthy habit, the stress of isolating yourself. Sometimes they are subtle – the way you speak to yourself, the guilt that hides under being busy, the lack of honest communication you give those that love you. Every release is a thank-you. The Universe responds to space, energy will flow where there is room to land.
When your field is crowded with noise and chaos, the Universe cannot send a clear signal. You may confuse its message, and end up feeling – more chaos. Your sleep patterns, your nutrition, your movement, your relationships may become a constant struggle. You may make decisions based on the threats and imprinted messaging you continue to carry from adverse childhood experiences, or trauma that is deep rooted in your nervous system.
Gratitude is in the frequency of “there is already enough”. Subtraction amplifies that frequency by showing trust – that letting go will not create emptiness, but spaciousness.
You cannot receive thanks when your system is busy holding everything – the worry about being enough, the constant proving, the guilt in rest, the stories that whisper “you should…”, the actions of those who hurt you in the past – now repeating in your own patterns with others.
This is why subtraction is so powerful. It is allowing rather than clinging. This is what I once did. In fact, I used to turn everything inward; including loss.
When someone I loved hurt me — when a friend withdrew, when a man rejected me, when family judged or dismissed me — my first instinct was to collapse into myself. I believed there had to be something wrong with me. Something broken, defective, or unworthy that caused people to pull away.
I replayed every word, every look, every silence, searching for proof of what I had done to deserve the disconnection. Was I too much? Too sensitive? Too honest? Too hopeful? It had to be my fault. I was not enough, I was unloveable, I was too much.
The self-blame was immediate, automatic — a reflex born from a nervous system that equated rejection with danger. I didn’t understand it then, but my body was still trying to earn belonging through self-punishment. The ache of abandonment became a familiar frequency, and my energy kept looping in the belief: if it keeps happening to me, it must be me. I was the common denominator in all of the loss.
And so I turned inward, but not in the healing way — in the collapsing way.
I made other peoples reactions a reflection of my worth. I didn’t yet understand that people withdraw not only because of what they see in you, but often because of what they see reflected back to them — the parts of themselves still unloved, unhealed, or afraid.
I didn’t yet know that being deeply feeling, expressive, and awake can unsettle those still asleep to their own truth. This is a lesson I am learning, and have been gradually accepting. I have also learned I do not need to disconnect fully from those that are not aligned to me – to keep myself safe or distance from their energy. It can just be a quiet backing away.
I have come into more of my power in recent years. As I was growing up however, being sensitive, being powerful – I felt like it was a flaw. I would pick up subtle energetic shifts that were ignored by others and I would instantly feel chaos – like I somehow created it just by sensing it.
There were no boundaries in my self-blame. But I have learned, finally, wholly, that I am no longer broken. I was injured, but energetically, emotionally and spiritually the residue of that rejection did not belong to me. I can feel pain – in subtraction – and still understand that it is okay – that it will not damage who I am, or my path.
You see that’s what trauma does. Trauma convinces you that the pain happening around you is happening because of you. That the way people treat you, lie to you, abuse you, isolate from you – is about you. It’s not. It teaches you to react, to isolate, to continue patterns that were done to you, as a way of communication or effectively handling discomfort. Rather than heal – this keeps you in chaos. It just adds another layer of stored pain in your nervous system.
It has taken me far too many years to count to sit with my own discomfort. To understand that loss is not a punishment. To understand sometimes loss is even protection. It isn’t about lack, or being not enough, it is a redirection. Sometimes it is just the soul that says “not here, not this”. The subtraction for example of my brother, in losing him from my life – was a massive disconnection.
It was not something I could see light out of – but it also supported my alignment with the truth of who I was and my capability. It launched me into healing at a faster rate than any other loss in my life. I still have days, moments, where I miss him with an ache that cannot be compared to any other – but I am able to experience the emotion of this grief – without internalizing it as something ‘wrong’ with who I am. I am able to release it – rather than store it.
Subtraction is really the disconnection in our lives – when we allow rather than force them, when we do not create them based on our nervous system chaos – is a guidance of gratitude. An energetic pruning to clear a way into deeper alignment. The work we need in that moment is not to stop feeling, but rather to not take every feeling as evidence of being unworthy.
It means that in the moment if others do something we do not align with, if others pull away, if others create conflict it does not mean we are in the wrong, too much, or not enough. It means they’ve reached the edge of what they can hold. It also means that if we physically lose something we hold value in – that letting go may be just what we need in that moment.
That what we have lost may just be what we need to remove in order to create space for the new. Even if we did not see that it was taking up space in our lives – as a block, it could be that ‘thing’ is just what we need to release.
We may feel the absence – longing, missing, resentment, confusion, sadness, hurt – that is the emotional experience. Those emotions make us human. We can experience each, process, nurture, and let go. It becomes problematic if you push the emotions away, distract, disassociate, disconnect, avoid, or try to control rather than simply – be. So it is important to send full love to what has been valued and subtracted, rather than to hold resentment and anger towards it.
Cognitive distortions are important to mention in addition to physical holds and relationships. At times we need to subtract the thoughts, belief systems, and obtrusive thinking that controls our anxiety, activates our survival instinct, and stores in our nervous system as ailments and discomfort. The obtrusive thoughts about what lies we have told, mistakes we have made, or false identities that we perpetuate are not our truth. When we consciously release the unnecessary – a belief, a resentment, a perfectionistic expectation – we return to a natural state of receptivity. Gratitude flows not from effort, but from ease.
Gratitude isn’t all about the emotion – it is also biological. When we shift from tension to appreciation in gratitude – our brain’s limbic system signals safety. The vagus nerve softens, the body moves from threat to connection.
If your body is in a state of dysregulation, you cannot truly access genuine gratitude. You may try through writing, repeating aloud, or making choices based on the dysregulation to find your peace, to accept where you are. However, if this is done through a cognitive distortion then you will only perpetuate the chaos in your nervous system. You will continue to observe lack, anxiety and your system will not believe there is gratitude and peace.
That’s why subtraction in true connection is so important.
To understand that your anxiety – or trauma response – is not truly who you are; but what you are experiencing. To breath through these body sensations, thoughts, and emotions in order to understand what you truly need. Usually what you need is connection – not disconnection. Forgiveness and self-compassion as opposed to resentment and judgement.
It is helpful to ask – if I were to release the past, what could I find gratitude for in the present?
Sometimes – the universe brings you subtraction, with no ability to control it. We can not control the actions of others, the accidents or tragedies that may happen.
At these times it can feel like you are spinning through the emotional experience. The space that is created in these times may also be what you have been asking for – you just may not have been aware that this would be where it would show up. Truthfully, we can be blind at times to the blocks we are holding.
I find it helpful in these moments to allow my feelings to come, to settle into them, to breathe, and to remind myself I am supported by the universe.
Knowing that what has been subtracted will return with different energy can often help.
Understanding when subtraction happens by another’s decision – that it is not about me, but about them helps to separate my identity from the loss.
It can still hurt – but this is the human emotion. Knowing – it is because energy is not aligned with whatever object, person, belief or goal has been subtracted helps to process the pain faster.
Asking the Divine Source – what do I need to do next to support the space this has been created? What would it take for me to make a deeper, aligned connection with what is coming in now? How can I send love throughout myself and others to align and heal with what space has been found.
Grief is natural with loss – to honour what was loved.
Grief can feel like the absence is crushing, and can often connect – as they do with me – to earlier life experiences of losing what, and who was loved. Grief in this subtraction, can feel like immense rejection, it can be confusing and soul shattering.
In the moments where these experiences are powerful – again we just need to find our stillness, to allow the process, which on the other side leads to transformation and healing. To understand, we are always okay, and all is as it needs to be.
The Universe works through balance and polarity. The Law of Polarity teaches that less is actually more. The Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy reminds us that nothing ever disappears – it simply changes form. So if you release what is in the act of subtraction, you do not lose – you transform. Letting go of what drains you will allow you to find room for what aligns with you.
If you’re able to release an outdated version of yourself, it allows the next expression to emerge in a powerful way. Subtraction is actually where expansion forms. If you quiet, in the stillness you find this space, ready to bring new in. As you heal, you clear. As you grow into expansion and space, you bring in new abundance. Keep the doors open, rather than closing them and hiding away.
Think of the trees this season. How they allow their leaves to change, to shift and fall away – without a struggle. They are not dying, they are conserving energy. They are preparing to rest through a new season. Their roots remain strong and protected by the earth. Their branches continue to reach towards the light. In this shedding they reveal their strength – what is essential in their structure.
So this Thanksgiving, rather than adding to your list of gratitude with goals, needs, and more – simply notice what it is you can release with love.
- The need to make others happy.
- The pressure in the moment to be perfect.
- Comparing to others who seem ‘more together’.
- The ‘shoulds’ that live in your body.
- The relationships that no longer support you.
- The energy of others that feels more like disconnect than connect.
Feel the gratitude rather than force it. Gratitude is not an action – it is a state. Subtraction can give space for an abundance of gratitude.
This is where manifestation can exist. By creating space, you invite resonance. The Law of Vibration works through the shift of energy from grasping to allowing. Life meets you with new reflections in healing and balance.
This weekend, before you list what you are grateful for – make a list of what you are thankful to release. Write down everything that no longer belongs in the season of your becoming.
Breath in gratitude for what not only is beautiful, but what is done. For what it’s given you, taught you, allowed you to survive. Even if it hurts to let something go – there is a deeper layer in allowing than trying to cling. Allow it to release in love, space, and thankfulness.
Thanksgiving is not just about abundance, but acknowledging the sacred endings that make abundance possible.
True gratitude does not ask you to be more. It asks you to see more. In subtraction you find your space for divine energy. Celebrate not only the harvest this Thanksgiving – but the sacred emptiness that precedes every new beginning. Trust what leaves you. Honour what stays. Be grateful for the space in becoming – more.
This affirmation is what I will leave with today: I am grateful for what remains, and for what I have released. Every subtraction in my life creates room for deeper peace, clearer purpose and truer alignment. Gratitude is not what I have, it is what I hold with awareness.
Abundance in Letting Go: Gratitude in subtraction is always possible. Just find the thanks for what was, and what will be will come. Listen to the podcast: https://rss.com/podcasts/manifestation-therapy
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